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miz_kiwi
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Name: Ana
Location: Alaska, United States
Gender: Female
Interests: Life
Expertise: I love to travel, learn while I'm at it, do creative things with my hands, and take pleasure in things that matter the most.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message me
Member Since:
8/21/2003
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| Wow, family. My first time writing on xanga since I've been on NGA. Wow.
Well, here's a recent reflection of mine that I had in Korea after our international service projects! I went to Bangladesh. What a righteous experience.
Korea was a truly awesome experience for me. I feel it was high time to experience something so close to the movement, discover something new. I experienced what I think heaven would be like! Saturday service sitting right behind Kook jin nim, Hyun jin nim and their wives, Yeon na nim. Like going to church service with True Family, just casually but with a heart of attendance and gratitude. It was truly beautiful. I also experienced spirituality and energy at the rock of tears. How else could I have knelt down in deep tears so suddenly at that blessed spot??
I also had the deepest prayer of my life in Seoul, Korea. Clear, completely honest, terribly heartfelt, intimate communication with God. The most intense of my life. It happened on the way back from the spa at night. There were 7 of us walking, 3 pairs and then me walking in reflection. I said to God, Okay, you be my partner. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Here’s an excerpt from my journal after I arrived at the GOP center.
“God, I don’t even know what you are.” is what started the most beautiful prayer I’ve had w/God in my life. It was beautiful not because it was a really righteous prayer of wisdom and comforting God’s heart. It was simply so real, so real. Asking God WHO he is is one thing, but then asking God WHAT he is is simply a sign to myself that I really need to start again at the basics. I really don’t want to feel like I’m crazy and just making up something that’s “company” because I’m lonely or because I need someone to help me get through something. Actually, I was trying to tell God why I was so eager to find and know him .I said finally inspite of fear, “if something has to hit me in the head, or if I have to fall flat on my face just to see a sign you’re giving me that you exist, please God, I need something.” (So desperate, talking outloud on the street, face salty andwet with tears.) Usually, I say this sort of thing conditionally, with a hint of, “yes, I want to know you, but please don’t make it to painful for me.” And then I tried to justify why I was desperate to meet you, God. (a) I said, well everyone else (meaning 1 or 2 people) seem to know what you are so deeply, True father and Mother included. (b) Then I thought of the way I am now, and how there has to be something more to life. (c) I realized then that yes there is more to life than what it is right now. First step to get there is to improve myself, which has been really hard lately. I know now that my primary reason to search for God is to have someone to accompany me in life and all my decisions, reasons for loving, motivation for doing, loving myself because God loves me and knows I’m beautiful. To be filled completely and satisfied with the strength I find in my relationship w/God. Right now I am having a hard time finding God in me, but my intention and direction of this path is to eventually understand fully the existence of God in me. I can conceptually understand how it’s going to happen, but until I know it in my heart, there’s no way it will stick. Just like blind faith that I’ve been living by. I dread the idea of feeling like I truly know God, but actually just going by blind faith. I mean I’ve heard that blind faith is necessary sometimes, but I won’t take that. I really want to end up knowing God simply through blind faith but knowing to my very core that God exists.
About True Parents- another thought process I went through in accordance with “what” God is.
I said, “so I believe in TP and all their work and investment, and the thing that initiated that mission and fueled the messiah is the messiah’s God. So what does that mean you are? Goodness? Intuition? Conscience? Conscience. So, if you are conscience that’s cool and all, but I want more than just simple conscience that guides me through every situation. I want a companion. Someone to always be with and consult with. That’s until I can accept the idea that the conscience IS God’s representative and gift inside us.
You know, I’m really starting to value alone time with myself, God, my conscience, my diary and pen. I’m usually such a social person who finds all growth in social situations, which are mostly distracting anyways, so I feel like that’s why my relationship with God is lacking.
Sleep…”
This reflection is so valuable to me. It represents something so beautiful in my life of faith. Thank you, God of goodness.
Yep, that's me. Thanks, family.
Love,
Ana
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| Hello Xanga world!
Well, I'm off to Seattle to join the Next Gen Academy for three months... then hopefuly Oceannia Leadership Training in New Zealand for 6 more months!! This is going to be a crazzzzyyyyy year, my friends. :)
Good by for now!!!
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| Wow, what a week! My family was a big part in setting up for when Yeon Ah Nim (Hyo Jin Nim's wife) came to speak in Alaska for the 50 state tour the other day! I mean like, 7-hours-in-the-kitchen big part, but it was such a great experience. Makes me want to strive for higher things, you know? And by the way, I LOVE listening to good humored Koreans talk amongst themselves while I dry dishes. hahaha, gives me a smile. And guess what else?? At the church before the keynote address, I got to sing a song with the super talented musician, Rev. Joshua Cotter, who accompanied me on the piano. Didn't go too great..... but guess what else! During my graduation ceremony, which was TODAY, I sang the same song again ACAPELLA. So I got a chance to redeem myself. I think people were moved, which is what I was hoping for because I wanted to help set the spirit for the ceremony. It was a good time. : ) Thank you all, maybe pictures soon! Ana | | |
| I've always thought that I was not a rebellious person. It's just not my nature, I thought. I'm cool, calm, and I am well rounded so I have no rough spots, I thought.
Thank you parents for not giving me anything to rebel about, but everything to love and cherish I thought.
But recently..... I've realized that I AM a rebellious soul, especially when someone tries to run me..... No way hosay, not here! You keep doing that and you'll get the exact opposite of what you're going for!
"I wouldn't eat that chocolate"
"woops, I already ate 5! haha, jk Dad."
.... eats 3 more.
"Time to whack out your assignment."
"Rrgg, I know!"
.... signs onto xanga.
Yep, that's what I'm doing right now!. . . Xanga.
For gracious sakes, what am I doing here? I know I should be doing something else.....
Research Report baby, WOOOOO!!!!!!!! Now I'm rebelling against my own thoughts, drowning them out see?
It's a funny thing.
But nonetheless, thank you parents for not giving me many things to rebel about, but everything to love and cherish. My parents are so great! Huh, BriFri and Chandin and Yames?
<3
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